A Sermon on Ephesians 5:21-33 was delivered on May 10, 2026. Please visit our Sermon Archives for more sermons in this series.
Opening Challenge: Scripture Over Culture
The sermon opens by addressing the obvious objection head-on — “we’re 2,000 years beyond that.” The answer is direct: cultures change; truth doesn’t. Paul’s call for husbands to love their wives sacrificially was just as counter-cultural in the first century as the call for wives to submit is today — for the opposite reason. The Greco-Roman household gave the patriarch absolute authority over everyone as property. The standard for interpreting marriage isn’t the current cultural moment; it’s the unchanging Word of God.
Rooted in Creation, Not Culture
Paul grounds the husband’s headship not in cultural convention but in the creation account. Two things signal this order: Adam was created first, and Adam held naming rights — both of which, in Hebrew thought, signal preeminence. However, creation also establishes equality — Eve was made from Adam’s side, not beneath his feet. The combination lock analogy captures it well: the lock mechanism and the combination are different, but you need both for the lock to work. Husbands and wives bring different strengths that together fulfill the mandate God gave to humanity in Genesis 1.
Submission Rooted in Union with Christ
Just as a husband’s love flows from his union with Christ, so does a wife’s submission. This is the critical foundation. Jesus himself modeled submission to his earthly parents in Luke 2, and to his heavenly Father throughout his ministry and at the cross. The Son is not inferior to the Father, yet he submitted willingly. In the same way, a wife’s submission doesn’t signal inferiority; it reflects the same pattern of voluntary, loving deference that exists within the Trinity itself. The power to submit doesn’t come from human willpower; it flows through union with Christ by the Holy Spirit.
What Submission Is — Seven Positive Aspects
Drawing from Wayne Mack’s Strengthening Your Marriage:
- It’s the wife’s responsibility — not a weapon for the husband to wield repeatedly against her.
- It’s continuous — not selective or situational, but a day-in, day-out posture.
- It’s required regardless of the husband’s performance — it’s a command rooted in God, not conditioned on how well the husband loves.
- It’s positive — a submissive wife pours all her talents, abilities, and energy into the good of the family.
- It involves both attitude and action — verse 33 calls wives to respect their husbands. This addresses the internal heart, not just external behavior.
- It gives the husband tie-breaking authority — the Tim and Kathy Keller story illustrates this beautifully. Kathy didn’t want to move to New York City. When Tim deferred entirely to her reluctance, she stopped him — “That’s not how this works. If God is calling you there, you make the decision. I’ll go and wrestle with God on my own.” They went. Forty years later, she called it the best season of her life.
- It’s almost total — with two clear exceptions: a wife need not submit to being sinned against or remain in a dangerous or abusive situation.
What Submission Is NOT
The Proverbs 31 woman demolishes common misunderstandings:
- Not only for women — the call is to submission among brothers and sisters according to gifts and calling.
- Not slavery — she farms, buys real estate, runs a business, manages a household, and serves the poor. Nothing confines or diminishes her.
- Not silence — “She opens her mouth with wisdom.” Husbands need their wives’ counsel; a wise husband actively seeks it.
- Not dormancy — gifts, hobbies, and community involvement remain entirely appropriate.
- Not inferiority — just as Christ’s submission to the Father does not imply inferiority, a wife’s submission to her husband carries none either.
Where It Goes Wrong — Two Failures
The sermon identifies two ways this breaks down in practice. The first is the domineering husband who treats headship as a license to control. The second — and arguably more common today — is the passive husband who checks out and lets his wife carry everything while he coasts. Both fail the biblical model. Scottish theologian John Eady captures the corrective perfectly: the man’s natural instinct is to govern, so God commands him to love; the woman’s natural instinct is deep sympathy and devotion, so God commands her to submit and honor. Each command pushes against the sinful distortion of each role.
Key Takeaway
Biblical submission isn’t oppressive — it’s a reflection of the most beautiful relationship in existence: Christ and the Father. A wife who submits biblically, and a husband who loves sacrificially, together bear witness to the gospel. Neither role works in isolation, and neither flows from human effort alone — both require union with Christ as the source and the Holy Spirit as the power.
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